Chapter Two

Now that I’m well and truly adjusted to life as a mother, I find myself trying to deal with all the unsolicited advice that comes my way from well-meaning people. This is something that I’m sure all parents can relate to. And yet, to a certain extent, we’re all guilty of it. Now when I offer advice to my friends, I start of with a disclaimer- “You may or may not wish to try X, Y, Z”. Or “Some people find X helpful when your baby’s teething”. Advice should never be forced upon someone with the words “You should” or You must”. A lot of my friends are pregnant at the moment and I remind myself that the best thing I can say to them is to try and trust their own instincts. Mother knows best. Period.

Now, how to deal with all the ignoramuses out there who just won’t stop telling you how to raise you child? Do you smile politely and agree that you’ll give their idea a go, while secretly repeating profanities over and over in your head? Do you confront them and explain that they had their kids over thirty years ago and that things are now different in 2009? Or do you simply reach for the nearest rock and take aim? I have to say that on this one I’m really torn. I don’t have the faintest idea how to handle these people. I guess what gets me is the thought that they might be judging me and obviously not like what they’re seeing. Why else would they scoot over to me and, while gently placing an unwanted hand on my knee, tell me everything I’m doing wrong and everything I need to do to do it right. Oh, I want to scream! People can be so ignorant. In this day and age we’ve got people from different cultures, different generations, and different backgrounds raising kids in the same neighborhoods. Why is it if you’re Jewish or Muslim nobody thinks twice when you explain that your kid can’t have a ham and cheese sandwich? But if you dare to raise your child as a vegetarian or as a vegan, everyone suddenly has the right to voice their opinion.

One of my trusty techniques is to defend myself with the words “This is exactly what my mother suggested.” So far that seems to stop people dead in their tracks. It ends the conversation immediately. And I’m free to resume my own way of doing things. I don’t want to have to justify why my husband and I took the decision to start brushing Matty’s teeth when he was a year old, or why I’m only just starting to wean Matt off his pacifier at seventeen months, or why I read stories to my sleeping newborn when I could have been catching up on sleep for myself? Why should I have to explain these things to anyone? I also tend to say to all the annoying busy bodies out there “Our pediatrician advised us to do this”. And I say this whether it’s true or not. “Our doctor told us to give him five cookies in a row. He says it’s a great way to keep him quiet when I go shopping.” Often people get the hint. Butt out, piss off, and keep your trap shut!